I want you more than these girls want KFC
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
