So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
