She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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