Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
