I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Randomize
