I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
accomplished twins. life is a go
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
