roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
