I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
