I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
