i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
