Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
