Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
