i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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