She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
