no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
