Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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