i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
