There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
