My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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