Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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