I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
