i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
