Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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