im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
