he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
