I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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