my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
