all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
