So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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