He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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