She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
