you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
