Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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