So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
