Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.