i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
accomplished twins. life is a go
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me