We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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