At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life