Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
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She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after