i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.