Kiss
Puke
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
