u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Im part way to drunk.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
