How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
