Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
