There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
