Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
