He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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