I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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