walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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