I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
