I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
