I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
