last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
