It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They took my balls.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
