He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
