peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
