Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
