its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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