Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
