My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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