Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
