i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We named our party play list daddy issues
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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