So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
