You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
