i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
