I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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