i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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