i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I party with great urgency now.
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