Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
