And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
