I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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