Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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