you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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