So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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