if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
