And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She's JV to your varsity
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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