woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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