if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
