Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
