you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
