Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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