apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
