also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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